Relationship Revival: Keeping a Mature Relationship in Full Bloom

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Over time, long-term relationships can go from exciting, to challenging to a downright yawn. Your once hormone-hyped intimate moments have become bland, haphazard business-like meetings. Attributes you initially adored, now leave you feeling a kind of low-grade annoyance. And you can predict your partner’s next move with 99 per cent accuracy.

Of course what makes long-term relationships so great is that you do know your partner inside out. You can finish their sentences and know exactly what your mate is thinking from a wry smile, a raised eyebrow or a nervous knee-tapping twitch. A new relationship delivers excitement and volatility, while an old one usually offers up comfort and practicality. Both have there advantages, but for many, the "good old days" of a relationship seemed a lot more fun and carefree.

Tending to Your Partner

Maintaining a healthy, dynamic relationship is a little like gardening: even though you planted the seeds of the relationship and got it to grow, you still need to nourish, prune and adjust elements for it to continue to thrive and bloom. Discover the beauty of your long-term relationship and ensure it survives any rough or stormy patch by making the following tips part of your regular maintenance plan.

Share in a new experience. Even though you may be living together, lots of people in mature relationships find themselves gradually drifting apart. Work demands, parenting, caring for aging parents and/or different interests can slowly take over, until you find yourselves living completely separate lives. Share the fun and excitement of learning something new together by scheduling some “we time.” Whether it’s salsa dancing lessons, a beginner’s Italian class for an upcoming vacation or something a bit more daring like braving a rollercoaster, a shared experience can give the two of you something to look forward to, provide you with a goal to collectively work towards and bring new energy to your relationship.

Embrace your mate’s "passion." Do you roll your eyes every time your partner heads to the driving range? Do you cringe at your mate’s excitement about the opera coming to town? You’ve probably lived with these ‘dreaded passions’ for a long time and will for a long while more, so why not surrender yourself to your partner’s interests now and then and join in on the action? Shoot a few balls at the driving range, endure the opera from time to time or go and see your partner’s favorite band when it’s in town. The gesture shows you’re interested and actively engaged in your partner’s life and also gives your mate the chance to ‘show off’ their knowledge or ability (which is always a good ego boost).

And if you need another reason to share the fun consider this: research from several studies of happily married couples shows that partners who “play together” are much more likely to “stay together.” Who knows, you may even develop a fondness for your partners passion too!

Grow on your own. There’s something in that old expression “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” While it may seem to contradict the last point, spending time apart now and then to explore other interests or meet up with old friends can give the two of you the space you need to “miss” each other and reflect on what you love about your mate.

Mind your manners. Ironically the comfort that comes from being together for many years, can also breed bad manners—from not saying “thank-you” for small (and large) actions, to saying rude things to one another during heated arguments, to being consistently late from work without a phone call. Good manners aren’t just a superficial formality; they show respect, love and consideration. If you’re practicing relationship rudeness make a change now to make life together happier and emotionally healthy.

Engage in some “pillow talk.” Choose a daily time when you and your partner are at your most calm and relaxed to share the events of the day with one another. Whether it’s after dinner, over coffee in the morning or a half an hour before bedtime, creating a regular ‘check-in’ ritual can help you process the events of the day, catch up on any important news and ensure that the two of you stay connected.

Keep the relationship on the write track. When a relationship is fresh and new, many of us feel compelled to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) to let partners know just how much he or she means. Script some passion back into the relationship now by popping a love note into your partner’s lunch, pocket or glove compartment. If ties to technology are too strong to overcome, send your affection online through e-mails or text messages. Or why not unleash your inner poet and pen some meaningful verse? The creative effort provides your partner with a window to your feelings and devotion.