Life After Divorce

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Ending a marriage can be very stressful for you and your family. No matter what the cause, divorce can trigger painful and unsettling feelings. Anger, sadness and frustration are all part and parcel of divorce, even if the relationship was rocky from the start. Plus, the thought of being on your own can be tough, if not daunting. You can feel as if your life has been turned upside down, and everything from living arrangements to child care and relationships with friends and family are out of sorts. On top of this, the cost of a divorce can leave you financially strained, especially if there are children to care for.

Whether the marriage lasted two years or two decades, recovering from a divorce takes time. Although everyone is different, most people need a few years to adapt to the changes that divorce brings. However bleak the outlook may seem in the moments following the end of a relationship, remember that you can and will move on.

Managing Your Emotions

Recovering emotionally from a divorce takes work. This process can bring intense sadness, anger and frustration to the surface. Acknowledging these emotions will not only help you work through the pain, but is also an important step in the healing process. Talking with a friend or writing in a journal can also help you work through your feelings.

Some people become so consumed with the legal aspects of divorce that the emotional recovery takes a back seat. But the reality is, to move on you must accept that the marriage is over and establish an identity that isn’t tied to your ex-partner’s.

Let’s face it: a divorce can be a major blow to your own identity, ego and self-esteem, especially if you were not the one to initiate the split. While it may be tempting to dwell on the negatives of yourself, your ex-partner and/or your newly single future—taking a "doom and gloom" attitude can help to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Pay attention to your self-talk and when that negative voice starts to rear its ugly head, stop it in its tracks: challenge the validity of what it’s saying, and start speaking more positively and optimistically about yourself and circumstances. While you can’t control every part of your situation, you do have the power to deal with it constructively.

As you begin this new stage of your life, take the opportunity to learn and grow. Honestly examine your role in the relationship and recognize your part in the break-up. Learn from your mistakes and vow to make better choices in the future. If you can, try to make peace with your ex. Forgiveness can take a big load off your shoulders.

Stress relief is also important during this time of change. Meditating, listening to music, getting a massage or working on a hobby are all great ways to bring more relaxation into your life. Squeeze in some “me” time (no matter how brief) and reward yourself for your hard work.

Going It Alone—Together

Ignore the desire to “tough it out” alone. Emotional support is essential for healing, and there are many people who can help you through this challenging time. Opening up to trusted friends and family members can bring comfort and relief. You may find that the greatest source of support comes from someone who has already been through a divorce.

Attending a support group in your community can be helpful or you may wish to work with a professional. These types of resources are available to help you leave the divorce in the past and move on to a brighter future.

Doing What’s Best for You

While it may sometimes be hard to do, especially if you’re also helping children through the loss of the relationship, pay attention to what you need and take care of yourself. Spend time with people who support, value and energize you.

Minimize additional sources of stress and, if possible, reduce your workload. Don’t be afraid to say no to others’ requests.

Remember the old adage; take things one day at a time. Until your life becomes more settled, avoid making major life decisions if you can. Give yourself some time to recover emotionally before deciding on something like a career change, moving to another city or getting involved with someone new.

Stay Healthy

When you are going through the stress of a divorce, healthy habits can fall by the wayside. You might find yourself indulging in your favorite junk food, skipping meals, or even looking to alcohol or drugs for a means of "escape." It might seem hard to find time to exercise and your sleeping patterns might be disrupted. This could lead to illness or a loss of energy at a time when you need to be "on top of things".

Try to eat balanced meals, get plenty of rest, and find an exercise routine that you can enjoy. Participating in sports and workout programs can release anger and frustration and get you into shape in the process. If you do feel your health habits are on a downward spiral and are out of your control, be sure to connect with a professional for support and resources.